I planned the Wedding, NOT THE DIVORCE!!!
I believe if I had it to do over again, I know that I wouldn't. Not because I don't believe in marriage. Not because I despise my Ex, but because in truth , I married for the wrong reasons. I used it as an out , thinking that I could escape trauma and create my own family. EPIC FAIL! The marriage didn't last but I learned some powerful lessons. We now have two grown sons that are making their way in the world , and we are proud of their success.
When I planned my wedding I didn't plan a divorce 5yrs later. I was young and inexperienced in healthy relationships. I didn't have much support and I knew it was not a good move all the way up to the day of the wedding. I got a divine nudge not to make the mistake, but my fear of what people would think over rode that nudge. I PAID FOR IT DEARLY! I survived and thrived with the lessons I learned. I had to grow up quick and accept that decision I had made. Being married was really not what I wanted, but it is what I chose.
There are many circumstances that contribute to decisions to marry or stay single. Many allow others to choose who they will marry. Some wait to get confirmation from a spiritual leader which isn't always the the right way to go. (I'll save my experience with that for another blog). Often times like myself we choose marriage as a way out of something that pains us much deeper.
In the end my divorce was one of the most pivotal times in my life. It gave me the life that I wanted before I made the decision to go against my heart and marry. I didn't choose being a single mother, but it came with the divorce. I made the most of those hard years and gained wisdom as I went. I now know that I could have had children if I so chose, without the contract of marriage. Yeah I know that makes some of you cringe!!!
There are so many children without mothers or fathers in foster care and needing to be adopted. If I was given the options of creating a that balanced life for the children I chose , I would have taken that option. I was never given any options. I wanted children, but I didn't want marriage. Marriage was the only option given to have family and children. Family dynamics have changed so much. I understand now that family doesn't have to look the traditional way to still be family . No one encouraged me to remain single if I desired and to maximize my single life. Every success was attached to marriage .Buying a home, going on vacation or building a life was better, if done within a marriage. I have bought a home as single woman, went on vacations as a single woman and continue to build business and life as a single woman.
I have learned much about the weddings, marriage and divorce. Some info I wish I didn't know, but I do . The greatest lesson I gathered was to always follow my heart. Being single for me doesn't mean I don't enjoy connections , I love healthy connections. I just no longer need marriage to feel validated or successful. I look at the world differently
than I did at 20yrs old. I am grateful for the wisdom, but even more grateful that I am living the life that I CHOOSE!
Living My Best Life,