I didn't have HEALTHY BOUNDARIES! #opengates
As a child we are taught to have boundaries. In my grandmother's home she had a wood stove. In the winter months we had a invisible perimeter that we didn't cross when walking near the stove. It was just an understood. We knew it was hot and we were taught not to go near it. Well I must have forgotten about boundaries when I begin relating LOL. I had a few wake up calls that quickly helped me to remember.
In healthy relationships there has to be healthy boundaries. FULL STOP! PERIODT! I didn't realize how important they were until I didn't have them in place. I kept attracting a certain type of person in my life. It was basically people exhibiting the same behavior just in different bodies LOL. I now understand why. I had been dealing with people that were controlling, unfaithful , that didn't reciprocate and didn't meet my needs. I over gave thinking they would return in kind, but it seldom happened. I would end one connection and then randomly another person would show up WITH THE SAME BEHAVIORS. After connecting the dots I came to this conclusion. I knew what I didn't want, but I kept the same behaviors that drew people like that in my life . I had to do a FULL OVERHAUL. I had to learn to value my NEEDS and DESIRES above all others and be mindful of how to handle the RETURNS.
One pattern I also noticed was that certain people would keep returning to my life. Well in all honesty it was easy to do. I HAD NO HEALTHY BOUNDARIES. The pattern was all the same. We would have heart to heart talks, exchange apologies and it would be about two weeks and the cycle returned. I had to break this pattern of revolving door friendships and connections. I had to enact healthy boundaries not just for emotional protection, but BECAUSE I FINALLY AWAKENED TO MY VALUE.
We can see boundaries as a way to keep people out of our lives and they do. We just need to go a step further and honor our value. I wanted healthy relationships, but I kept entertaining unhealthy connections. I needed to raise my awareness of how much of a GIFT I really was. When I looked at myself like the biggest gift under a Christmas tree with a large red bow, I no longer needed validation from others. I didn't have to over give anymore because I was now attracting reciprocal connections. They walked in my life giving. They gave time, intelligent conversation, they valued my thoughts, spiritual knowledge and were consistent. They were not there to take , or get in my orbit of connections just to say they were connected. They were not there just to shoot their shot for physical connection, they were HEALTHY and on their own VISIBLE HEALING JOURNEY.
The healthy boundary has the ability not only to block but SHOW. It blocks the return connections because they are STILL not at the level you need for healthy connection. They show you just how valuable you are and SETTLING for less is no longer an option.
Healthy Boundaries Work,